imagine.space

moments like these...really puzzle my mind full of doors. why must the doorknobs be so damn hot? why can i hear no sounds, smell no scents coming from within?

with every footstep, there's a creak. i can feel the roughness of the wood...the age of it's innocence...with every thunderous and echoing placement. i close my eyes while i walk...using my fingertips to scrape the walls and feel my way to something that feels right.

i'm stuck right now...in the hallway. i can't walk any further. my feet doesn't allow any movement, and i'm surrounded by a multitude of doors where i am unknown to their final destination. i feel sweat run down my back, though, it's cool to the touch. the chill inside and outside my body keeps my spine straight...it's neverending disternaty to keep me standing...


i wish to collapse. to curl up on the rough wood...and sit in my sadness. let darkness overtake me more...and keep me here.


i'm down on one knee right now. my body is making the motion to get back up, but my mind ignores it like a child's common request.


the past...it overwhelms me all of a sudden. like ghost being ordered to bring down a person. every hit...every attack on me, nothing...nothing is held back. the villian brings back subtle memories lost and forgotten in my mind...the small things...as small things in large numbers can overtake a person's soul instantly.


i have no weapons. i'm down on both knees now...


i'm losing.



i don't mind giving in. i knew the risks. i prepared myself for disappointment. i was ready to lose.

i'm alright...it'll only hurt a moment. a moment in a life full of moment. my last one won't be so bad. it won't be so hard. it's easier than i can imagine, i imagine.


my hands hold me up now...the splinters piercing into my fingers. i feel no pain...but feel pain all around me. it's getting closer and deeper. soon it'll be time...i'll be ready for the checkmate when it comes. i'll make the last stand, just to be shocked off of the ground, only to return to earth and have my final view of the world. i hear them getting ready for their move. and i brace...brace for the last feeling of finality of this faint frail fantasy.


it never comes. the energy getting to this place...was all in vain. the battle so hardly fought...

it's....


not this way.


not this time.


and i subside. i retreat back into where i came from. i listen to the music...i listen to the laughing.

i ignore everything that's happened.


i hate the way this always turns out. i know it's a lost cause...soon...hopefully...i'll get an explination for the actions of others.


i get scared...about...never finding out the truth. when i already know the answers, i look for the explinations that i'll never be able to cope with.

and my heart hates my soul for not being honest.


life.


_